Fears of Pink Dollar Flight Due to Oral Sex Ban
TalkingCock.com,
November 11, 2003 (satire)
http://www.talkingcock.com/html/article.php?sid=1241
By K.K. Cheow
Financial analysts have expressed fears that the
Gahmen’s plans to attract consumer spending by homosexuals is being
undermined by the courts’ recent meting out of a prison sentence to a
policeman convicted of having oral sex.
Said Biggers Ballas analyst Kong Cheow Way, “The Gahmen
has been trying to make Singapore more gay-friendly, even going so far as to
allow them to penetrate the civil service. But the ban on oral sex severely
limits their range of social activities. No amount of theatres or bars will
compensate for this lack.”
People Lick Us, a homosexual lobby group in Singapore,
released a statement saying, “If you’re gay, not being able to indulge in
oral sex really sucks. I mean, if they’re like this about oral sex, we
don’t even want to think about anal sex! What assholes!”
Said lawyer Chia Lum Par, “The policeman has real
grounds for appeal. Before this, the courts held that oral sex as a prelude to
intercourse was fine. But this was a case where the participants both
restricted themselves to oral sex alone. It’s stupid to say oral sex in one
instance is fine, but not in another. There would be a complete defence if
someone said, ‘Oh, we intended to proceed from oral sex to intercourse, but
I couldn’t tahan and just came.’ The case was poorly argued. I believe the
oral submissions before the judge were completely fallacious.”
Meanwhile, women’s groups are confused about their
position. Said Singapore Women Against Licking Lovers and Other Wrongs
(SWALLOW) spokesperson Miss Boh Ho Chia, “There’s a double standard. Many
men force us to chew their lap cheongs, while they refuse to munch on our
oysters. With this ban, we can equalize the inequality.”
The Gahmen has yet to issue an official statement on the
oral sex controversy, though sources say the Cabinet believes the issue has
been “blown out of proportion.”
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